I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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