That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
