for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
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We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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