i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
