just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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