a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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