i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
