Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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