I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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