OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
