May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
