Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
