Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My vagina just recognized that song.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
