I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
