Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
