Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
