Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
