i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
as a side note pls kill me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
