I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
