dude i'm inner monologue high
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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