If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
