I wish I could punch you in the face.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
