Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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