Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
