pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
