from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
