omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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