So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
