look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
