You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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