It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
