we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
