i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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