I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
