No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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