You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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