you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
