margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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