I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
