Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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