Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
