...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
