I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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