Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
