I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
