The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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