highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it glows. i had to have it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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