sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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