I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize