The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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