Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
