went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
