Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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