Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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