Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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