we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
