My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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