I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want to make out with him forever
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
