Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
