As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
