hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
