I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
