I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
