Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
