What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
