how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is it penis luge time yet?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We need a shit load of segways right now
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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