More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
