is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
