Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
