Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
