Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
