I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
