with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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