were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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