I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
