Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
