Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
