I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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