JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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