I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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