the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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