You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
