also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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