I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
