It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
