____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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