So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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