Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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