I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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